The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
