took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
