i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
