in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
