I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
