I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
