rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
