dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
