How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
