Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
