he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
