having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
