He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
