I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
