So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this just has baby written all over it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
