Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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