i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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