i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
