What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
