I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
