It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Still dying that you shit outside
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
