Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
