guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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