Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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