Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
