omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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