I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
