A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
