I think my vagina is haunted
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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