I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
