I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
