OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How naked do you want me to be?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
