I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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