Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
