So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
