i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
