i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
