Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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