i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
