I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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