yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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