I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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