pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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