i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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