he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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