Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
