How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
