thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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