i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
