I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
